“Being a Kaur was a gift that came late in my life. At the age of 19, when I saw my name (Inni Kaur) printed on my wedding invitation I was upset. I didn’t identify myself as a Kaur. I didn’t know what it meant…I didn’t connect with it.
It took me years to arrive at this stage…to fall in love. My journey began with questioning whether there is more to life than eating, drinking, and procreating. I started exploring various faiths. Sufism held me the longest. But after 1984, I had a shift in consciousness. I was drawn to Sikhi. Even then the paradigm being presented was too much for me to take in wholly. To say, that I toed the line immediately would be an outright lie. I had one foot in and the other out. However, I was willing to look inward. And what I found was ugliness…and many demons I needed to sort out. Somehow, Shabad chiseled and I began to feel connected with my inner self. Chiseling is painful for it is constant, but it is needed to unearth a beautiful sculpture.
At the age of 44, “Kaur” was bestowed on me. It was a life-changing experience that I relive nearly every day. I am in gratitude for being graced with Kaur. It is not tied to my familial or husband’s name. I adorn myself simply with Inni Kaur. No other titles are needed. I look beyond gender and focus more on character and actions.
My turning point was at the age of 50, when I decided to celebrate the entire year doing things to grow myself and expand my horizons.
I have found the beauty of living and finding the joy in between. Women are creators and our path is different than men and we need to honour being creators. For me this means, creating poetry, painting, writing and everything that I touch. Every year….I challenge myself to learn something new, and my fears have tapered.
Awakening to my connection as a Kaur has provided me with an incredible freedom. I fell in love…in the purest of sense. It took awhile to fall in love, to embrace; to surrender. We are scared of surrender, thinking it is weakness…it is not. We rise in love. It is when we rise in that love, we experience true love....the one that gods and goddesses yearn for....which humans have the capacity to experience, though rare are the ones that do ... this is revealed in Japji Sahib.
In this love, I have discovered the wings to fly and the belief that I can do anything. I want to live every moment, feel everything and grow.
Challenging moments will always be there. For, that is life. But we are rivers… we must gush and flow. At times we may trickle, but we must never stop flowing nonetheless.”