“To me being a Kaur means strength - the strength to be your individual self without any real definition. I see being a Kaur as having fundamentals, but your own uniqueness.
I feel like life throws out so many hardships. The biggest lesson is to be your own hero and save yourself, I guess. I am not religious in the traditional sense, but I follow things from a spiritual level. This way brings me a sense of peace, especially when I think of my role as a Kaur and my level of independence. I believe you can define yourself, but it is all dependant on your perspective.
I was born in India and moved to Canada when I was thirteen. This experience gave me the best of both worlds. I remember the values and traditions of India. I cherish growing up with my cousins. Moving here with my parents and brother, life was different. We don’t have any immediate family in Canada, so I saw my parents work hard to make something of themselves. I remember having to grow up quickly as the big sister and third parent to my brother. I was thrown into it and took on the responsible role, because I felt my parents left their entire lives and its comforts to give my brother and I a chance at a better life. I didn’t want my parents to have regrets of moving to Canada, I wanted them to be proud.
Its funny, while I talk about them and their success, I think of Indian parent mentality of withholding direct praise to their children. I’ve come to see my parents show their pride in different, less obvious, ways such as calling me every other day to see if I am okay or my parents’ friends and other family members sharing praises from mom and dad about me.
As a woman in my early thirties, there is pressure to get married, or already be married. Family, culture, and society create and sustain these pressures. In all honesty, it got to me a few years ago and I found I was stressing myself out. It’s easy to get caught up in the pressures, or make decisions that feel like settling and compromise on important things. I did that at one point, it would have been easy to cave, but I stood my ground. I realized that this is my life and that I had a choice of whether I wanted to marry the person I was involved with at the time. I didn’t want to forsake my happiness — enough was enough. Forcing myself to make things work, compromising my values, I didn’t put myself in a very good situation. I would rather be by myself and stand alone in life rather than be with someone that does not align with who I am.
I didn’t settle. I realized, my whole purpose in life is not to find a husband and get married. Rather my purpose is about doing things that make me happy. In the last two years, I have grown as a person and really don’t recognize myself. I am really happy about where I am.
I focus on how I am contributing to this world. Am I living life with integrity and character? When the right person comes along, then marriage can be a beautiful experience, but it’s definitely not my number one priority.
Since I have had time to reflect now, I firmly believe you have to be your own hero. You have to take away something to learn from any situation and understand that these hard changes are either blessings or lessons. The goal for me was to find the goodness from it all and move on. For me, it was setting and enforcing boundaries while being happy with who I am every day.”